I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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