I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
