he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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