grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
