i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
