do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
