I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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