It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
