I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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