haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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