I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
