So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
