Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
