A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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