watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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