I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
