I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
