Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
