i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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