i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
