Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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