Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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