My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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