the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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