some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
