I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
