We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I will be naked everywhere
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
