i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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