Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
