I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
