After last night, I could never be a politician.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
