I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
