How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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