We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i believe in u and ur pee
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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