i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
