Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
