at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
