Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
