New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Randomize
