I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
