"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
