i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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