i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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