Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
BRING THE BAGELS
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
HEβS PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ππ
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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