my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
