Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
