And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
