You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
