He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I got inside last night via doggy door
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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