How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
