You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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