White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
This baby is an asshole
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
