So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just threw up on my dentist
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
