Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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