When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
