It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
