we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The Olympian is in my bed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
