Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
