I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
