I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
