I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
