do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
