I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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