It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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